Gratitude Jar

For the past few years I have actively kept a gratitude jar. In it I place little notes stating something positive that happened. I try to do this at least a few times a week so that I can keep everything in perspective. Last year it was a real treat to sit down on and look at each and every great thing that had happened the year before.

As 2014 comes to a close, I am excited to read and review the year. This practice has allowed me to really focus on gratitude and commit to it. It has changed my life and I know that a lot of my positivity is a result of this way of life.

I urge you all to create a gratitude jar, box or whatever! Put in tickets stubs from plays, movies or sporting events. Write down the little things that made your week or day. It could be something as basic as, you saved a few dollars in an unexpected sale. We take the little things for granted but those little things can make or break our attitude. Stay positive! Stay grateful!

Goddess Power

This weekend I will be attending a festival where I will sell my bracelets. This is a brand new experience for me and for that I am truly grateful. I am so happy to be able to share my passion for jewelry and the power of stones. Each piece is near and dear to my heart and I thank the divine for giving me the inspiration to move forth with this project!

The notion of treating ourselves like Goddesses has really helped me to reach this point in my life. I say it loud and proud!! Oh my Goddess!

Goddess sticker

The Power of Carnelian

OOH carnelian! A beautiful grounding stone that I have found in art and jewelry that my grandmother brought back with her from Mecca. I was first drawn to this stone at a young age. My grandmother made a spiritual trip to Mecca and came back a changed woman. Not only that but she brought back huge pieces of a reddish stone. I always felt calmer and happier with the stone around my neck or in the palm of my hand. For years, I wore the necklace but had no idea what the stone was or what it meant. Finally, I figured out that this powerful stone was in fact carnelian.

Carnelian is a stone that brings joy, peace, energy and feelings of gratitude. It is also known as a stone of motivation, endurance, leadership and courage. Did you know that carnelian stirs up our sexuality? This makes perfect sense because it is associated with the root chakra! In recent years, I have carried a carnelian stone in my pocket while at work. Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed I put the stone at my heart chakra. It instantly brings a sense of stability and concentration. Without fail, I feel the power of the stone coursing through my body and within a few moments I can put the stone away and continue my day.

Visit my Etsy shop to see more bracelets!

Owl Mala Adventure

My new adventure has been to create mala bracelets with real stones. I have been intuitively drawn to these specific beads and charms. Why have I been drawn to use ceramic owls in these pieces? The owl has many symbolic meanings such as intuition, the ability to see something others can't, wisdom, and change. Owls have a deep connection to the moon and to Goddesses. A few of the Goddesses depicted with owls are Athena, Mari, Lilith, Anath, Gwynn ap Nudd, Blodeuwedd, Yama and Cailleach.

This is a new journey for me and I put a lot of love in each of these pieces. Not only that but I drum over them and deliver Reiki energy as well. 

Fun! Please send me a message if you would like to purchase one. There are more pictures to come!

We Knew No Fear

You found me on the most bitter cold day of the year.

Head throbbing, I blinked five times to see you.

Focus, but my stomach is in knots, I stumble.

Your electricity picked me up from the pavement,

Shaking, I took a breath and found that the air, the world, it was all you.

I held your eyes with mine and elated I wept.

You were an apparition, a ghost of a most alluring dream sent to me.

I knew you once before and under the sun we blinded all who dared look.

Envy did not exist before we came together.

Herbs and angels manifested simply for us.

I held your hand to my chest and adored you.

The wind whirled, lifting colors, floating we knew no fear.

The incarnation that was sacred, lacking in reticence.

I was there to hold your hand as the sun set simply so I would be forced to sleep.

For it's true, I couldn't keep my eyes off of you and even in the darkness I knew every line of your face.

My eyes closed, peace abound, sighing I slumbered.

The mist has fallen but I feel your breath on my nape.

You are immortal, my eyes failed to see what my soul was trying to reveal.

I still feel the familiar ache, my spirit pulls from my skin desperate to find you.

To be whole, to be free.

The Shampoo Quest

For the longest time I used Pantene Pro-V for my hair. I always liked it and it left my hair smelling great. I have extremely thick, long Middle Eastern hair. It doesn't always respond well to all types of shampoo. A lot of products will leave my hair feeling dry and brittle while other products will leave my hair feeling unclean. 

For the last month I have been using Mane 'n Tail shampoo and conditioner because I have used it in the past and I thought that the ingredients might be less complicated. Pantene Pro-V has a long ingredient list. Here it is: Water, Ammonium Lauryl Sulfate, Ammonium Laureth Sulfate, Sodium Chloride, Cocamide MEA, Glycol Distearate, Dimethicone, Fragrance, Panthenol, Panthenyl Ethyl Ether, Cetyl Alcohol, Polyquaternium-10, Sodium Citrate, Sodium Benzoate, Ammonium Xylenesulfonate, Disodium EDTA, PEG-7M, Citric Acid, Methylchloroisothiazolinone, Methylisothiazolinone

I didn't like all these odd chemical sounding words and figured it was worth trying something different. The ingredients in Mane 'n Tail include Water/Aqua/Eau, Sodium Lauryl Sulfate, Cocamidopropyl Betaine, Sodium Chloride, Cocamide MEA, Glycol Distearate, Propylene Glycol, Fragrance (Parfum), Hydrolyzed Collagen, Citric Acid, Methylchlorisothiazolinone/Methylisothiazolinone, Butylphenyl Methylpropional.

I've heard a lot about Parabens. They are often used in a lot of products as a preservative. 
Common parabens include methylparaben, ethylparaben, propylparaben and butylparaben. Another ingredient that has come to people's attention recently is Sodium Lauryl Sulfate. This is used in soaps, shampoos and detergents to give a foaming effect. I never realized that it was an issue but apparently this chemical can cause massive skin irritation. So why not go without it? A little less foam! 

Yesterday I started using a new shampoo called Nature's Gate. I happened to find it at the supermarket and I liked the scent. When I saw that it was an herbal shampoo with zero sulfates, I knew I had to give it a shot. Again, sulfates irritate the skin and can strip hair and skin of moisture. Why not try shampoo that doesn't have any? 

After washing my hair I noticed how lovely it smelled and it stayed that way throughout the day. I also noticed that there was much less foaming and I had to use more product than usual but my hair and scalp feel clean with zero irritation. 

My goal is to live a life with less chemicals and I will keep posting information about shampoos, soaps and other items as I run across them. 

Ingredients: Water, Cocamidopropyl Hydroxysultaine (Coconut Derived), Sodium Cocoyl Isethionate (Coconut Derived), Disodium Cocoamphodiacetate (Coconut Derived), Lauryl Glucoside (Vegetable Derived), Glycerin (Vegetable Derived), Panthenol, Hydrolyzed Soy Protein, Hydrolyzed Vegetable Protein, Simmondsia Chinensis (Jojoba) Seed Oil, Borago Officinalis (Borage) Seed Oil, Tocopherol (Vitamin E), Ascorbic Acid (Vitamin C), Achillea Millefolium (Yarrow) Extract, Chamomilla Recutita (Matricaria) Flower Extract, Lavandula Angustifolia (Lavender) Flower Extract, Rosmarinus Officinalis (Rosemary) Leaf Extract, Salvia Officinalis (Sage) Leaf Extract, Urtica Dioica (Nettle) Extract, Prunus Serotina (Wild Cherry) Bark Extract, Thymus Vulgaris (Thyme) Leaf Extract, Ascorbyl Palmitate (Vitamin C), Guar Hydroxypropyltrimonium Chloride (Plant Derived), Leuconostoc/Radish Root Ferment Filtrate, Polysorbate 20 (Vegetable Derived), Hydroxypropyl Methylcellulose (Plant Derived), Sodium Hydroxide, Glyceryl Undecylenate (Vegetable Derived), Phenoxyethanol, Citric Acid (Vegetable Derived), Fragrance*.

Drumming For The Root Chakra

For the past two months I have been drumming nearly every night. How did this come to pass?

I had never drummed before. I started playing the violin at the age of ten and dabbled with the guitar once in a while. I am by nature a perfectionist and so I had to learn the violin to perfection. When I could not be as great as the famous violinists before me, I got frustrated. Soon I let it all go and concentrated on school. From one degree to another I focused, excelled and graduated. I was always the best at everything and it was always a personal challenge to stay on top of my game. The competition in me was not against other people. No, instead I was always competing with myself. I never knew that it would be impossible to be satiated from the constant need to be better, do better, be more.

On my journey to end this competition with myself I met a very dear friend who showed me laughter, kindness and a free spirit. I learned in this time that I was not a grounded person. This refers to the seven chakras that are found in our bodies. These chakras can get blocked and we can suffer various ailments as a result. I had always been very much in my crown chakra, which is the very highest chakra and is said to be our connection to spirituality and the divine. It is located at the top of the head. I have always been very much in my own mind and it causes a feeling of not being connected to the earth below. Constantly thinking, writing and daydreaming. I didn't realize that I was not serving my root chakra and that perhaps there was a blockage there. The root chakra is located at the base of the spine and is connected to our need to survive. It is very primal and if blocked can lead to anxiety and depression. I was never very grounded.

One day, a Goddess sister of mine showed me her new Djembe drum. She asked me to play with her and at first I was stunned. I had never played the drum before and had not a clue how to begin. She could sense my discomfort and yet she insisted that I at least try. I held the drum as though it were as delicate as glass. I watched her pound on the drum and put my hand to the goatskin top. It felt completely wrong. I tried to rationalize the situation. Did I look silly holding the instrument? What would people think if they heard me play? What am I doing here?

The thoughts went swirling through my mind but I tried to pick up on the rhythm that my sister was playing. I had a difficult time letting go. In fact I don't think I fully let go that day but I did drum nonetheless. After some time passed I left with a smile on my face and a new purpose in my heart. I knew that something within me was calling out for the drum. I kept thinking about the feeling I had when I played the drum and within a week I had my very own drum.

My hands could not leave the drum and every night I have been devoting time to play. I have never had any formal lessons and I don't care. I love that I don't know how to do something. I love that every single time I play, it feels new and yet feels as though I am reconnecting with a dear friend. A deep feeling of coming home takes place and I allow the spirit to guide me, which in turn makes me feel grounded. I connect to the earth when I play the drum. Perhaps it's the deep bass or the act of doing something without reason at all. The act of "playing". Either way, I am elated to be on this journey.

Some Gentle Advice

I have learned that empathy is not inherent in everyone. I have always been an extremely empathetic person, even placing other people before myself. It made me feel good to be able to help another figure out what their burdens or obstacles were. It's absolutely important to put a limit on your actions and that is something that I am constantly working on. I want to make sure that I show that I care and act on it but at the same time I don't want to get swallowed up in someone else's misery. 

A time of crisis is when we need our friends to come together and be at the ready. I don't ask much but it's nice to hear someone rally on your side even when everything seems bleak. Putting yourself in the place of another is essential in making this work. If you knew how someone was feeling or at least attempted to understand it then you would appreciate that abrasive words and a dismissive attitude are the worst possible way to help another. 

Here are a few things that I feel are helpful when someone is in need.

1) Listen. Don't just pretend to listen. Actually listen to what is being said to you.

2) Look. Make and maintain eye contact and pay attention to body language. Sometimes we communicate disinterest simply by crossing our arms and appearing standoffish. 

3) Don't be condescending. In my hour of need I have heard people make comments that came off very judgmentally. No one wants to be spoken down to and certainly not when they are sad. 

4) Never say "I told you so". Now is not the time to be matter of fact even if you did predict the exact outcome.

5) Give a hug if a hug is wanted. The human touch is very energizing and healing. It could help to give a simple embrace. However, there are some people who don't enjoy being touched so be aware and respect the space. 

6) Be a positive person but don't feel like you have to overdo it. I think that being genuine is important but throwing in some positive words and energy is helpful when times are tough. A lot of people tend to focus on only the negative and sometimes they need someone else to point out just one positive thing. I draw from nature and point out a flower, a butterfly, the trees, etc. Sometimes this annoys people who don't have a lot of positive self talk so I try to limit it if it doesn't feel right.

7) Be available. No you don't have to be available ALL the time but show that you care and offer to shop, eat or whatever else if it makes your friend feel better.

8) Send a care package. Sometimes rough patches last a long time. Why not send a card or flowers? I have sent boxes with movies, music, silly cards, coloring books, etc. Be silly! People appreciate this because it shows that you are willing to take an extra step to brighten someones day.

9) Be a cheerleader. You are on their side without pointing blame or speaking negatively or gossiping. 

10) Vocalize your love. Tell your friend that you love them. We can never get enough love! Spread the love and say it aloud! 

We can all support each other. Bad times come and go. It's life! 

A Challenge

Some days go by quickly. We hardly realize how we got dressed, made it through the day and fell back in to bed. It's almost like we are programmed to act and be the way that we are so that we don't have to ponder the big questions. Then there are other days when you are jolted by something massive that shatters your seemingly quiet equilibrium. On these days we get shocked, exhausted, humiliated, angry or sad because not only has something occurred to rattle us but we have been awoken from our dream like state.

I have had several such jolts to the system in the recent months. I have tried to live in the moment and experience all that I can but sometimes I fall back to a simple place of complacency. The routine takes over and I forget what makes life so special.

What did I do with the recent sad, angry, unfortunate news that rattled my life? At first I did nothing. I allowed it all to hit me like a wave crashing on to the sand. It was cold and unforgiving. I closed my eyes and tried to blink it away but even with red, stinging eyes; I knew that I could not escape the news that had set my family ablaze. But I didn't want to escape it. I allowed all those sensations to overcome me. I embraced each one and was mindful of how it all made me feel. Difficulties will arise with little notice and they can make us both physically and mentally ill. I knew that I could not allow myself to be dragged down. I had worked so hard on gratitude practice that it would be a true shame to lose out now!

So I wrote, I cried, I sang, I read, I walked, I laughed, I ate, I watched movies, basked in the sun, hid in the shadows. I did it all. It was all the nourishment that I needed for my body and soul. People often want to encourage you not to cry and to stay tough in the face of tragedy but I know that it allowing emotion to arise and paying attention to it is far better than becoming numb. I was numb for the majority of my life. I will not let that happen again!

Accepting the Unexpected

There are many times when I am left in a state of surprise when the universe decides to rattle my core. A lot of times we fail to recognize the importance of the moment we are in. I have tried to keep my eyes fully open as I walk to and from my destination. Enjoying the movement of my legs, the energy, the blood flowing through my veins and the steady heartbeat. 

There are other times when we want the experience to end as soon as possible. Recently I was put in a situation that caught me completely off guard. I was forced to be in the moment even though the easiest thing to do would have been to mentally check out. It is truly amazing how the body and mind work. Everything in your existence wants to shield you from negativity. The brain shuts down certain parts while the body braces for shock. We are such magnificent creatures! But in this instance, I wanted to feel it. I have been on a long journey of self awareness and one of the things that I have worked towards is feeling everything. 

I want to cry and scream when it is necessary. I want to laugh out loud and smile when truly elated. So I try to accept the unexpected. It is not an easy thing to do! I am grateful for the good and the bad. I have been shaped by experience and even more importantly, my reactions to those experiences. 

Even the unexpected is welcome.

Office Feng Shui

I've been doing a lot of research on how to make my office space less dreary and more energetic. The office that I work in is filled with lots of different personalities and energy. Sometimes the energy is overwhelming and causes me to lose focus. At times, I step out of the office just to breathe and close my eyes for a few moments. It helps me clear my mind before I enter the hectic environment again. 

Recently, I have been changing my surroundings to better represent my personality and to allow for the good energy to flow around me. Here are a few ideas that I have found that can help make your office or cube more amenable to free flowing energy.

1) Buy a low maintenance plant. Not only will it help brighten up the place but it will also help purify the air. A few plants that need very little light include the Areca Palm, Peppermint, English Ivy, Lemon Balm, Golden Pothos, and Gardenia. There are several other plants that will work as well but these are a few that I personally like and have the potential to make the space fragrant.

2) Surround yourself with pictures. I know that most of us have photos on our phones and some think it is a waste of time to frame and display photos. I couldn't disagree more. My home is surrounded with pictures in lovely frames and each time I glance at them, I smile.  Having such a photo in your office space will remind you of a good time even if you're having a bad day.

3) Do you have a favorite quote or song? Put it up on your wall or tape a post it to your monitor. I have a gratitude list and I see it everyday. I like to change up the quotes from time to time. It all just depends on my mood but I always keep it lighthearted. 

4) Add some color to your space. Sometimes we don't have a whole lot of space but I make it a point to use colored folders and colorful office supplies. Everything always being white, beige and black doesn't invigorate me. Color it up!

5) Keep your space organized. Disorganization doesn't allow the brain to be able to focus on one task as easily as it could. I try to keep my space clutter free and before I leave every night I make neat piles and to do lists.

6) TO DO LIST! I do LOVE these! I prefer using colored pens on colored paper and creating lists of things that must be done. There is deep satisfaction in crossing off something from a list. Sigh! Beautiful!

7) Desk fountain. Depending on your work environment and space it could be possible to have a mini water fountain running in the background. Not only is the sound pristine but it also helps drown out unnecessary noises. 

8) Himalayan salt lamp. OK so the absolute fabulous thing about these are that they can be left on without any issue. Not only that but they have started making some that have USB plugs to connect right to your computer! How amazing is that? These will help to purify the air around you and they have a warm orange glow that soothes. 

There are a lot more suggestions and ideas out there. I will keep posting as they come to me. 

Namaste.

Another Chapter

Many things have happened to change me in the last few years. I wasn't always comfortable with the changes and often I fought against them because of the anxiety that the change brought for me. The end of a six year relationship can be very difficult in the first place but when it involves marriage it becomes more complicated.

I didn't see the end coming and it all happened very quickly. Looking back, I smile at my former self. I was lost for so long and I didn't want to accept it. I went through all of the steps of grief and experienced every part of the pain that I needed to go through. I was never told how important it was to actually go through each and every life experience at the moment that it was happening. It is a profound feeling to be truly angry, sad, happy and whatever else there might be. Wallow in it, bask in the feeling and then when you are ready...move on!

This post is not to harp on the negative aspects of the relationship. Instead, I am focusing on the things that the relationship and my ex taught me.

1) I am much stronger than everyone thought I was. Truly. Everyone thought I would crumble and fall at the emotional upset. I even believed that I would but I didn't. I am strong.

2) Sometimes your world needs to be turned upside down in order for you to wake up. I was hibernating for a long time and simply going through the motions. I am fully awake now because my perfect world was rattled. I am aware and thankful for his actions because they changed my perspective on nearly everything.

3) I rely on myself. I can provide for myself and I am capable of doing anything on my own.

4) Alone. It is NOT a scary word anymore. Society puts pressure on people to couple up but we don't take the time to explore ourselves.

5) I am open to new thoughts and new ways of life. I have changed tremendously and my eyes have opened to very new paths. I have met amazing people because of this.

6) My heart chakra is now open. I am willing to receive and give love. I am willing to trust people even though I was "betrayed".

7) I am aware that at any moment in my life I can change the situation I am in.

8) Mindfulness has become a way of life. I check in to see where I am at emotionally and physically several times throughout the day. I take a moment to just breathe.

9) I live in gratitude. I am grateful for waking up this morning. I am grateful for every moment that I get to live this life.

10) I am not always in control. This is a big one. We can't control everything and that's a good thing. Life is a series of events and it is the journey that is of importance. We are allowed to just go with the flow. This was a difficult lesson for me because I have always been very type A. I work on relinquishing control each day.


Thank you for allowing me to find myself and experience life. Without your abrupt move, this change would not have happened. I am grateful.

Personal Mandala

I was looking through a book and found this personal goal mandala. I liked it because the author discussed how easy it was to create something like this. I made one for myself and it pleases me to take a moment each day to look at the art and the words that inspire me to move forward.

Anahata

My heart opened yesterday. It was astounding and powerful. I tend to have an inner battle between my ego and my heart. Which one rules? It all depends!

This past weekend I was involved in a discussion regarding the various functions that the heart chakra has and those include love, compassion, balance and peace. When a person's heart chakra is blocked it makes it difficult to accept and embrace love. This doesn't have to be a conventional love between two people but more like an all encompassing love of our surroundings and ourselves. Further, the heart chakra when it opens and expands allows for us to feel a sense of balance and peace. Love NEEDS balance! Healthy love, healthy relationships all need balance. This chakra can give us this fundamental balance. It is all interconnected. Can you feel it?

Yesterday, I was sitting at my desk and a very intense feeling rose through my chest and expanded all around me. I was unsure what was happening but I was in a state of euphoria. I basked in this profound feeling and let it wash over me as I would let the sun warm me on a hot day. My ego was lifted maybe even temporarily forgotten. I didn't rationalize any of it. I just knew that it was something that had to be shared. My heart was open and had not been in a long time. I took that opportunity and with further impulse, hugged another person.

What I felt after that was the equivalent of the feeling one might receive upon entering Elysium. A natural high, an abundance of peace and every part of me wanted to stay in that hug; which had created an impenetrable sphere where no judgment or time could pass. The actual touch lasted no more than fifteen seconds. I didn't want to pull away. Maybe I had left my physical body and all the judgments that were in my head. Whatever it was, I wanted more and the feeling persisted throughout the day.

Bathed in the light, basking in the energy and peace; I smiled. Ego was silent but only temporarily.

The voices of the ego arouse again and I tried to rationalize everything that I felt. Why did that happen? How could it have happened at that time? Did it mean something? There are no answers and maybe there aren't meant to be.

I can understand the need to share energy and the importance of touch and I was reminded when I least expected it.

Abundance of Wealth

"I'm poor" "I have no money" "My debts are burying me alive" "I will never be able to afford (fill in the blank)"

These are not new thoughts. We all worry about this at one point or another. Sometimes it becomes a disease that infests our minds because we repeat these words over and over to ourselves. It might be true that the bank account is low or maybe in the negative. I've been there. I've felt the desperation and the choking feeling of debt and it is not pleasant. Not only that but the dialogue that I end up having with other people is one of desperation as well. They add to the conversation of lacking money, which leads to other complicated discussions of what we do or do not have in our lives.

We are in a tough economic time right now. It is very easy to max out our credit cards, live paycheck to paycheck and allow the crushing depression of this reality to stand on our shoulders. But what if we slightly altered our reality? Instead of repeating the words "I have no money" every day we can change the dialogue to "I have an abundance of wealth". At first it will be difficult to do so and it might even seem impossible. It is so hard to change the way that our mind naturally flows. 

Let me share my experience. I work and I have debt. Sometimes it feels like the debt doesn't want to go away. A lot of circumstances in my life have led to living paycheck to paycheck. I've had to prioritize on several occasions. 

So here we go, every morning I repeat the phrases, "I have an abundance of wealth" and "I am surrounded by wealth". Technically it is true! I am surrounded by a wealth of family, friends, nature and love. I have altered my perspective so that I can move forward and not be held back by a crippling fear. Using this mentality coupled with some debt tactics, I am moving forward in reducing my wealth and I am constantly surrounded by an abundance of wealth!

Namaste.

Critical Mind

I used to draw all the time when I was young. It was just something that I enjoyed doing. It kept my mind busy and I wasn't too bad at it either. As time wore on, I became too busy to draw. Life got serious and I put my colored pencils aside and became serious with it.

Over the last several years I have picked up drawing and painting again but I have noticed a difference. My critical mind fusses over every line and shade that I put on paper or canvas. I would draw something and then I would immediately throw it away because it was not good enough. I never showed anyone my work either. I was afraid of the reactions that I would receive. Once in a while I did show my work to someone and as they complimented me, I would interrupt by saying "It's not very good" or "I just did it for fun, I'm not an expert". I would shift around uncomfortably as they looked at my work and then I would quickly take it away from them.

Five years ago I couldn't sleep for several months. I would lay in bed and look at the ceiling until the sun came up. I watched every show on television, listened to meditation music and exercised but nothing put me to sleep. One day, I went to the art store and bought several canvases and paint on a whim. I put them in the corner of my room and that same night I began to paint. My insomnia served as my inspiration and I couldn't stop myself once I started painting. I didn't think at all. I felt every stroke of the brush on the canvas and was delighted that I was allowing all the emotions I had bottled up come rushing out. Within a few nights I had six pieces of artwork and at that point I felt as though I had expressed myself the way that I needed to.

I chose to admire my work and even framed my pieces. I touched the canvas and stared at what I had created. There was no specific technique or method but it made sense to me. A few years after that, I allowed my work to be displayed at the Women's Center at my former school. I allowed everyone to see me. It was something that I had not allowed in a long time. My soul was cloaked and I bared it all. It was so liberating and frightening at the same time!

Letting go of the critical mind is not an easy thing to do. I have to work on it daily but it is worth it. To have a moment to allow the mind to stop criticizing and start enjoying is divine.

And Then I looked Up

I didn't want to get out of bed today. It was dark and dreary and I had barely slept all night. Nightmares had kept me in an anxious state of mind so any sleep that came was shrouded in frivolous thoughts and fears. I opened my eyes this morning and I didn't want to move. My bed was toasty and it was so cold outside. My dogs were perched on the bed peering at me. I knew that if I moved then they would expect food so I continued to lay on my back and looked around me without turning my head. A few minutes later, one of the dogs moved closer and started licking my hand. For a brief moment I felt an urgency to get up and then annoyance that I would have to bundle up and walk. I put my hand on the side of my dogs face and peered into his beautiful blue eyes. It was time to get up.

With shoulders down and a cloudy eye I fed the dogs and then grumbled as I put my boots on. I always wore many layers because I knew that twenty degree weather was not something to mess with and I didn't want to catch a cold. Leggings, jeans, boots, t-shirt, sweatshirt, coat, hat and gloves. After connecting the leashes to the dogs' collars I opened the door. A blistering gust of wind hit me right in the face and took my breath away. Instantly I was shaking. We began walking and I dragged my feet. There was ice everywhere and I had fallen one too many times so I moved at a slow pace. I kept my eyes on the ground, trying to avoid the wind. It felt like it was whipping my cheeks and entering my bones. I was agitated by this and wanted the walk to be over so desperately.

I was feeling miserable and I was unsure why. I knew that I was feeling drained and that I had a lack of sleep. I was feeling sorry for myself. Geez, who else in the world had to wake up so early, bundle up and walk their dogs in the icy tundra! Life seemed so unfair and I was the only person walking that icy road.
As I continued to bask in the glory of my misery, another gust of wind tossed my hood aside. I fumbled, reached for it and then I looked up.

The sun had come up and beautiful shades of orange were gloriously painting the sky. Everything was silent and I stopped in my tracks. The various hues of blue, orange and purple were refreshing. I couldn't help but smile and after a moment of silence, I noticed a large group of birds move across the sky. They were elegant and serene.

All my misery washed away because of the glory of what was surrounding me. I hadn't even noticed it because I was too busy feeling sorry for myself and looking at the ground. I almost missed the majesty that was all around me. Almost instantly I began walking faster with a big smile on my face. My dogs picked up on my mood and started walking proudly forward. The negativity that I felt earlier was gone. Lifted from my shoulders.

Looking up saved me from having a day of sadness and misery. From one moment to the next my mood was altered because of the beautiful earth.

Energy Vampire

I usually have an abundance of energy. I wake up in the morning and feel energetic and ready to take on the world. I'm certainly a morning person and have always been. For three weeks, it felt like I had nothing left within. It was the oddest thing. I would wake up, sprawled across my bed with zero zest. I pulled my clothes on, walked the dogs and drove to work. Work was misery as well! I tried to stay awake and noticed that little things were irking me. I was not my typical social self either. Everything was a haze and I simply had nothing to offer to anyone. This is odd because I am always the person who people come to for advice. I listen, examine and give some sort of inspiration. It made me sad when I realized that I was not the lack of energy was causing my friends to stay away. Finally, it culminated when I admitted that I was unwell. The winter had done a number on me and I had a chest cold, flu and achy muscles. All the things that I was doing to get better didn't appear to be working so my energy went lower and lower.

One day I bounced back. I could feel that the energy was rising. This came after I accepted that I was physically sick and that I needed to give my body a rest. I spent an entire weekend in bed. I needed the sleep and my body thanked me for it. Sometimes we want so hard to fight the illness that the fight itself takes away all of our energy. I accepted my lowered immune system and stopped working so hard to fix it. Instead, I let my body fix itself. We can't always control everything and illness may be a way for the body to tell us to slow down. I certainly slowed down because I had no choice. 

For those three weeks I was not myself but eventually I gave my body what it needed. Peace. Silence. Serenity. I turned the lights out in my room, put an eye pillow on my eyes with the smell of lavender relaxing me and I allowed my body to pull me to slumber. 

I'm back now and I'm feeling cheerful as usual but I now know that it is pointless to fight against my own body. It knows what it needs and I must listen. 

2014

My New Year Thoughts:

To be graceful and grateful. To walk in the moment and reach for the stars. To only speak with kind words but acknowledge pain, sadness and anger and allow myself to feel then let them go. To let my creativity flourish in photography, to spread a new, positive message politically. To usher in light even in the darkest day. To thrive in health and prosperity and expand my viewpoint. To continue to trust and love myself.  To be enthusiastic about work, knowledgeable in my field and helpful to others. To treat my body with loving kindness and make time for exercise. To treat my mind to peace and tranquility through meditation.