Many things have happened to change me in the last few years. I wasn't always comfortable with the changes and often I fought against them because of the anxiety that the change brought for me. The end of a six year relationship can be very difficult in the first place but when it involves marriage it becomes more complicated.
I didn't see the end coming and it all happened very quickly. Looking back, I smile at my former self. I was lost for so long and I didn't want to accept it. I went through all of the steps of grief and experienced every part of the pain that I needed to go through. I was never told how important it was to actually go through each and every life experience at the moment that it was happening. It is a profound feeling to be truly angry, sad, happy and whatever else there might be. Wallow in it, bask in the feeling and then when you are ready...move on!
This post is not to harp on the negative aspects of the relationship. Instead, I am focusing on the things that the relationship and my ex taught me.
1) I am much stronger than everyone thought I was. Truly. Everyone thought I would crumble and fall at the emotional upset. I even believed that I would but I didn't. I am strong.
2) Sometimes your world needs to be turned upside down in order for you to wake up. I was hibernating for a long time and simply going through the motions. I am fully awake now because my perfect world was rattled. I am aware and thankful for his actions because they changed my perspective on nearly everything.
3) I rely on myself. I can provide for myself and I am capable of doing anything on my own.
4) Alone. It is NOT a scary word anymore. Society puts pressure on people to couple up but we don't take the time to explore ourselves.
5) I am open to new thoughts and new ways of life. I have changed tremendously and my eyes have opened to very new paths. I have met amazing people because of this.
6) My heart chakra is now open. I am willing to receive and give love. I am willing to trust people even though I was "betrayed".
7) I am aware that at any moment in my life I can change the situation I am in.
8) Mindfulness has become a way of life. I check in to see where I am at emotionally and physically several times throughout the day. I take a moment to just breathe.
9) I live in gratitude. I am grateful for waking up this morning. I am grateful for every moment that I get to live this life.
10) I am not always in control. This is a big one. We can't control everything and that's a good thing. Life is a series of events and it is the journey that is of importance. We are allowed to just go with the flow. This was a difficult lesson for me because I have always been very type A. I work on relinquishing control each day.
Thank you for allowing me to find myself and experience life. Without your abrupt move, this change would not have happened. I am grateful.
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