Many things have happened to change me in the last few years. I wasn't always comfortable with the changes and often I fought against them because of the anxiety that the change brought for me. The end of a six year relationship can be very difficult in the first place but when it involves marriage it becomes more complicated.
I didn't see the end coming and it all happened very quickly. Looking back, I smile at my former self. I was lost for so long and I didn't want to accept it. I went through all of the steps of grief and experienced every part of the pain that I needed to go through. I was never told how important it was to actually go through each and every life experience at the moment that it was happening. It is a profound feeling to be truly angry, sad, happy and whatever else there might be. Wallow in it, bask in the feeling and then when you are ready...move on!
This post is not to harp on the negative aspects of the relationship. Instead, I am focusing on the things that the relationship and my ex taught me.
1) I am much stronger than everyone thought I was. Truly. Everyone thought I would crumble and fall at the emotional upset. I even believed that I would but I didn't. I am strong.
2) Sometimes your world needs to be turned upside down in order for you to wake up. I was hibernating for a long time and simply going through the motions. I am fully awake now because my perfect world was rattled. I am aware and thankful for his actions because they changed my perspective on nearly everything.
3) I rely on myself. I can provide for myself and I am capable of doing anything on my own.
4) Alone. It is NOT a scary word anymore. Society puts pressure on people to couple up but we don't take the time to explore ourselves.
5) I am open to new thoughts and new ways of life. I have changed tremendously and my eyes have opened to very new paths. I have met amazing people because of this.
6) My heart chakra is now open. I am willing to receive and give love. I am willing to trust people even though I was "betrayed".
7) I am aware that at any moment in my life I can change the situation I am in.
8) Mindfulness has become a way of life. I check in to see where I am at emotionally and physically several times throughout the day. I take a moment to just breathe.
9) I live in gratitude. I am grateful for waking up this morning. I am grateful for every moment that I get to live this life.
10) I am not always in control. This is a big one. We can't control everything and that's a good thing. Life is a series of events and it is the journey that is of importance. We are allowed to just go with the flow. This was a difficult lesson for me because I have always been very type A. I work on relinquishing control each day.
Thank you for allowing me to find myself and experience life. Without your abrupt move, this change would not have happened. I am grateful.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Friday, March 21, 2014
Friday, October 25, 2013
Alter The Conversation
In order to change how we look at the world we must change the way we view the world and ourselves. Negative self talk appears a lot more than we realize. What is negative self talk? It's telling yourself that you're no good, that you're stupid, not pretty enough, etc. When you tell yourself these things on a daily basis it becomes your reality.
Some of these notions are so ingrained in our belief system that we don't even realize it anymore. One time someone asked me what I did for a living and I answered with an unsatisfied tone and rolled my eyes. I didn't know that I had done this and she quickly pointed it out to me. She asked me why I spoke so negatively about the work that I did. I told her that I hadn't said a word. She then told me that I didn't need to say a word but that it was in my gestures, expressions and posture. I was absolutely stunned. I couldn't think of what to say to her. It was true that I was unsatisfied with my job and my role in the company but I didn't realize that I wore that expression day in and day out! I had allowed these feelings to sink in until they eventually became a part of my demeanor. I knew that it would require my own actions to change the course that I was on but I didn't know that the whole world knew I was miserable.
Negative self talk is something that spreads the more that we engage in it. We feed the beast when we tell ourselves that we are too fat or too skinny, too old, too dumb, too inexperienced. I decided to listen to myself for one day. Every thought that came and went was acknowledged. Was it a negative thought or was it a positive thought? I decided at the end of the day that I would never want to be friends with myself! I saved up all the positivity and kindness for everyone around me but at the end I was downright mean to myself. Who would want such a callous disbeliever as their friend? I sure didn't!
I started listening to myself daily and found a trend of negativity when it came to certain aspects of my life. I chose to focus on those and change the inner dialogue. Each time a negative feeling or thought came up I would address it and then alter the way that I spoke to myself. I took it further by incorporating a "negative thought jar". Each time a negative thought or opinion arose, I put any change I had in the jar. It forced me to stay focused on the way I treated myself.
Here are some transformed thoughts:
"You got a speeding ticket. You're such an idiot, now you have to pay a fine, go to court. What a headache!"
"You got a speeding ticket. Maybe I'll leave a little earlier next time. This was a blessing in disguise because I could have hurt myself or someone else by speeding. A fine is a whole lot better than a car accident!"
"I'm losing my house. My possessions. My livelihood. I'm done. I'm nobody. I'm a loser."
"I'm moving on to new things, new beginnings and I have my health. I am thankful to be alive."
This change in perspective is not something that some can do overnight. Not only that, it's something you must work on daily! Life is constantly tossing flowers and tropical storms our way but we must learn how to embrace our thoughts, let go of the negative and let the positive energy in.
Some of these notions are so ingrained in our belief system that we don't even realize it anymore. One time someone asked me what I did for a living and I answered with an unsatisfied tone and rolled my eyes. I didn't know that I had done this and she quickly pointed it out to me. She asked me why I spoke so negatively about the work that I did. I told her that I hadn't said a word. She then told me that I didn't need to say a word but that it was in my gestures, expressions and posture. I was absolutely stunned. I couldn't think of what to say to her. It was true that I was unsatisfied with my job and my role in the company but I didn't realize that I wore that expression day in and day out! I had allowed these feelings to sink in until they eventually became a part of my demeanor. I knew that it would require my own actions to change the course that I was on but I didn't know that the whole world knew I was miserable.
Negative self talk is something that spreads the more that we engage in it. We feed the beast when we tell ourselves that we are too fat or too skinny, too old, too dumb, too inexperienced. I decided to listen to myself for one day. Every thought that came and went was acknowledged. Was it a negative thought or was it a positive thought? I decided at the end of the day that I would never want to be friends with myself! I saved up all the positivity and kindness for everyone around me but at the end I was downright mean to myself. Who would want such a callous disbeliever as their friend? I sure didn't!
I started listening to myself daily and found a trend of negativity when it came to certain aspects of my life. I chose to focus on those and change the inner dialogue. Each time a negative feeling or thought came up I would address it and then alter the way that I spoke to myself. I took it further by incorporating a "negative thought jar". Each time a negative thought or opinion arose, I put any change I had in the jar. It forced me to stay focused on the way I treated myself.
Here are some transformed thoughts:
"You got a speeding ticket. You're such an idiot, now you have to pay a fine, go to court. What a headache!"
"You got a speeding ticket. Maybe I'll leave a little earlier next time. This was a blessing in disguise because I could have hurt myself or someone else by speeding. A fine is a whole lot better than a car accident!"
"I'm losing my house. My possessions. My livelihood. I'm done. I'm nobody. I'm a loser."
"I'm moving on to new things, new beginnings and I have my health. I am thankful to be alive."
This change in perspective is not something that some can do overnight. Not only that, it's something you must work on daily! Life is constantly tossing flowers and tropical storms our way but we must learn how to embrace our thoughts, let go of the negative and let the positive energy in.
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