Some Gentle Advice

I have learned that empathy is not inherent in everyone. I have always been an extremely empathetic person, even placing other people before myself. It made me feel good to be able to help another figure out what their burdens or obstacles were. It's absolutely important to put a limit on your actions and that is something that I am constantly working on. I want to make sure that I show that I care and act on it but at the same time I don't want to get swallowed up in someone else's misery. 

A time of crisis is when we need our friends to come together and be at the ready. I don't ask much but it's nice to hear someone rally on your side even when everything seems bleak. Putting yourself in the place of another is essential in making this work. If you knew how someone was feeling or at least attempted to understand it then you would appreciate that abrasive words and a dismissive attitude are the worst possible way to help another. 

Here are a few things that I feel are helpful when someone is in need.

1) Listen. Don't just pretend to listen. Actually listen to what is being said to you.

2) Look. Make and maintain eye contact and pay attention to body language. Sometimes we communicate disinterest simply by crossing our arms and appearing standoffish. 

3) Don't be condescending. In my hour of need I have heard people make comments that came off very judgmentally. No one wants to be spoken down to and certainly not when they are sad. 

4) Never say "I told you so". Now is not the time to be matter of fact even if you did predict the exact outcome.

5) Give a hug if a hug is wanted. The human touch is very energizing and healing. It could help to give a simple embrace. However, there are some people who don't enjoy being touched so be aware and respect the space. 

6) Be a positive person but don't feel like you have to overdo it. I think that being genuine is important but throwing in some positive words and energy is helpful when times are tough. A lot of people tend to focus on only the negative and sometimes they need someone else to point out just one positive thing. I draw from nature and point out a flower, a butterfly, the trees, etc. Sometimes this annoys people who don't have a lot of positive self talk so I try to limit it if it doesn't feel right.

7) Be available. No you don't have to be available ALL the time but show that you care and offer to shop, eat or whatever else if it makes your friend feel better.

8) Send a care package. Sometimes rough patches last a long time. Why not send a card or flowers? I have sent boxes with movies, music, silly cards, coloring books, etc. Be silly! People appreciate this because it shows that you are willing to take an extra step to brighten someones day.

9) Be a cheerleader. You are on their side without pointing blame or speaking negatively or gossiping. 

10) Vocalize your love. Tell your friend that you love them. We can never get enough love! Spread the love and say it aloud! 

We can all support each other. Bad times come and go. It's life! 

Go Hug A Tree!

Have you ever felt disconnected from the world and even the people you love? We are surrounded by machines but we are creatures who need to interact with one another. A machine cannot give us the warmth that we crave. Touch is such an essential part of the human experience. It is restorative and it connects you to other people. Hugs are fantastic! Find someone to hug! Smile. Take a moment and do something silly.

Your body craves to touch the earth, to smell the air, to feel the wind. We are inside so much of the time! Whether I want to or not I have to spend time outside at least twice a day so that my dogs can do their business. It doesn't matter how cold or hot, wet or dry the weather is because we are going to take a walk one way or another. I've learned to embrace those moments as my time to convene with nature. I look at the sky, the moon, the stars and in the morning the dew on the grass, the deer grazing and my dogs sniffing everything possible!

Another thing I try to do is actually touch the earth. When I stand near a tree I make sure to gently place my hand on it and connect with its energy. Everything is made of energy and you can feel it if you just clear your mind and allow the connection to unfold. There are a lot of unkind phrases for people who revere nature so much but there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking your shoes off and feeling the mud on your toes. In fact, it has now been scientifically proven that hugging a tree is good for you!!! Shocking? Not really! We have so much in common with trees, plants, insects and animals so that is why we must share this vast earth together.

I'm a big advocate of taking even a few minutes a day to be outside. This time you should get out there and hug a tree, speak to a plant or a bird, marvel in the colors around you and touch nature!

For more information on tree hugging check out the article below.

http://www.themindunleashed.org/2013/07/tree-hugging-now-scientifically.html

Alter The Conversation

In order to change how we look at the world we must change the way we view the world and ourselves. Negative self talk appears a lot more than we realize. What is negative self talk? It's telling yourself that you're no good, that you're stupid, not pretty enough, etc. When you tell yourself these things on a daily basis it becomes your reality.

Some of these notions are so ingrained in our belief system that we don't even realize it anymore. One time someone asked me what I did for a living and I answered with an unsatisfied tone and rolled my eyes. I didn't know that I had done this and she quickly pointed it out to me. She asked me why I spoke so negatively about the work that I did. I told her that I hadn't said a word. She then told me that I didn't need to say a word but that it was in my gestures, expressions and posture. I was absolutely stunned. I couldn't think of what to say to her. It was true that I was unsatisfied with my job and my role in the company but I didn't realize that I wore that expression day in and day out! I had allowed these feelings to sink in until they eventually became a part of my demeanor. I knew that it would require my own actions to change the course that I was on but I didn't know that the whole world knew I was miserable.

Negative self talk is something that spreads the more that we engage in it. We feed the beast when we tell ourselves that we are too fat or too skinny, too old, too dumb, too inexperienced. I decided to listen to myself for one day. Every thought that came and went was acknowledged. Was it a negative thought or was it a positive thought? I decided at the end of the day that I would never want to be friends with myself! I saved up all the positivity and kindness for everyone around me but at the end I was downright mean to myself. Who would want such a callous disbeliever as their friend? I sure didn't!

I started listening to myself daily and found a trend of negativity when it came to certain aspects of my life. I chose to focus on those and change the inner dialogue. Each time a negative feeling or thought came up I would address it and then alter the way that I spoke to myself. I took it further by incorporating a "negative thought jar". Each time a negative thought or opinion arose, I put any change I had in the jar. It forced me to stay focused on the way I treated myself.

Here are some transformed thoughts:

"You got a speeding ticket. You're such an idiot, now you have to pay a fine, go to court. What a headache!"
"You got a speeding ticket. Maybe I'll leave a little earlier next time. This was a blessing in disguise because I could have hurt myself or someone else by speeding. A fine is a whole lot better than a car accident!"

"I'm losing my house. My possessions. My livelihood. I'm done. I'm nobody. I'm a loser."
"I'm moving on to new things, new beginnings and I have my health. I am thankful to be alive."

This change in perspective is not something that some can do overnight. Not only that, it's something you must work on daily! Life is constantly tossing flowers and tropical storms our way but we must learn how to embrace our thoughts, let go of the negative and let the positive energy in.