Some Gentle Advice

I have learned that empathy is not inherent in everyone. I have always been an extremely empathetic person, even placing other people before myself. It made me feel good to be able to help another figure out what their burdens or obstacles were. It's absolutely important to put a limit on your actions and that is something that I am constantly working on. I want to make sure that I show that I care and act on it but at the same time I don't want to get swallowed up in someone else's misery. 

A time of crisis is when we need our friends to come together and be at the ready. I don't ask much but it's nice to hear someone rally on your side even when everything seems bleak. Putting yourself in the place of another is essential in making this work. If you knew how someone was feeling or at least attempted to understand it then you would appreciate that abrasive words and a dismissive attitude are the worst possible way to help another. 

Here are a few things that I feel are helpful when someone is in need.

1) Listen. Don't just pretend to listen. Actually listen to what is being said to you.

2) Look. Make and maintain eye contact and pay attention to body language. Sometimes we communicate disinterest simply by crossing our arms and appearing standoffish. 

3) Don't be condescending. In my hour of need I have heard people make comments that came off very judgmentally. No one wants to be spoken down to and certainly not when they are sad. 

4) Never say "I told you so". Now is not the time to be matter of fact even if you did predict the exact outcome.

5) Give a hug if a hug is wanted. The human touch is very energizing and healing. It could help to give a simple embrace. However, there are some people who don't enjoy being touched so be aware and respect the space. 

6) Be a positive person but don't feel like you have to overdo it. I think that being genuine is important but throwing in some positive words and energy is helpful when times are tough. A lot of people tend to focus on only the negative and sometimes they need someone else to point out just one positive thing. I draw from nature and point out a flower, a butterfly, the trees, etc. Sometimes this annoys people who don't have a lot of positive self talk so I try to limit it if it doesn't feel right.

7) Be available. No you don't have to be available ALL the time but show that you care and offer to shop, eat or whatever else if it makes your friend feel better.

8) Send a care package. Sometimes rough patches last a long time. Why not send a card or flowers? I have sent boxes with movies, music, silly cards, coloring books, etc. Be silly! People appreciate this because it shows that you are willing to take an extra step to brighten someones day.

9) Be a cheerleader. You are on their side without pointing blame or speaking negatively or gossiping. 

10) Vocalize your love. Tell your friend that you love them. We can never get enough love! Spread the love and say it aloud! 

We can all support each other. Bad times come and go. It's life! 

A Challenge

Some days go by quickly. We hardly realize how we got dressed, made it through the day and fell back in to bed. It's almost like we are programmed to act and be the way that we are so that we don't have to ponder the big questions. Then there are other days when you are jolted by something massive that shatters your seemingly quiet equilibrium. On these days we get shocked, exhausted, humiliated, angry or sad because not only has something occurred to rattle us but we have been awoken from our dream like state.

I have had several such jolts to the system in the recent months. I have tried to live in the moment and experience all that I can but sometimes I fall back to a simple place of complacency. The routine takes over and I forget what makes life so special.

What did I do with the recent sad, angry, unfortunate news that rattled my life? At first I did nothing. I allowed it all to hit me like a wave crashing on to the sand. It was cold and unforgiving. I closed my eyes and tried to blink it away but even with red, stinging eyes; I knew that I could not escape the news that had set my family ablaze. But I didn't want to escape it. I allowed all those sensations to overcome me. I embraced each one and was mindful of how it all made me feel. Difficulties will arise with little notice and they can make us both physically and mentally ill. I knew that I could not allow myself to be dragged down. I had worked so hard on gratitude practice that it would be a true shame to lose out now!

So I wrote, I cried, I sang, I read, I walked, I laughed, I ate, I watched movies, basked in the sun, hid in the shadows. I did it all. It was all the nourishment that I needed for my body and soul. People often want to encourage you not to cry and to stay tough in the face of tragedy but I know that it allowing emotion to arise and paying attention to it is far better than becoming numb. I was numb for the majority of my life. I will not let that happen again!

You Are The Maker of Your Happiness

Over the years I have read many books, articles and seen movies that tend to show that happiness is something that is external. These characters fall in love and find their "soul mates", which creates an abundance of happiness in an otherwise sad existence. It's fantastic to find someone to love or to have a family that loves you. Love is a powerful thing!

But did you know that you yourself can be happy without any external stimuli? You don't need a lover to tell you how fabulous you are or to mend your broken wing. I never liked the phrase "You make me happy" because it implies that I can't make myself happy. How about we change it to "You add to my happiness"?
That is a far healthier claim. I think that it isn't a good idea to put so much pressure on another person to bring us happiness. We have the power to be happy and rejoice in ourselves. You don't need another person praising you or telling you how wonderful you are. You are alive and have the ability to change your situation at any moment.

Love the one you're with and adore each other. Enjoy the moments you have with your family and remember the happy moments. Let go of the frustrating ones. Instead of allowing the dialogue to go something like this "you're alone, you must be unhappy" or "I'm all alone in the world"; change is to "I'm never alone and it is my choice to be happy".

The word "alone" tends to terrify a lot of people and it shouldn't. Even if you are physically alone there are millions of other humans and animals who share a connection with you. We all share this planet and globalization has allowed us to reach out and communicate with people we would never have met without such technology. Even if you decide not to use that technology, breathe in the knowledge that you are made of energy and that we are all connected by energy. You are never alone and the word should never scare you.

Find your happiness in whatever form it comes in but make sure that you are happy with yourself and by yourself before you find another person to share all that elation with!