Some Gentle Advice

I have learned that empathy is not inherent in everyone. I have always been an extremely empathetic person, even placing other people before myself. It made me feel good to be able to help another figure out what their burdens or obstacles were. It's absolutely important to put a limit on your actions and that is something that I am constantly working on. I want to make sure that I show that I care and act on it but at the same time I don't want to get swallowed up in someone else's misery. 

A time of crisis is when we need our friends to come together and be at the ready. I don't ask much but it's nice to hear someone rally on your side even when everything seems bleak. Putting yourself in the place of another is essential in making this work. If you knew how someone was feeling or at least attempted to understand it then you would appreciate that abrasive words and a dismissive attitude are the worst possible way to help another. 

Here are a few things that I feel are helpful when someone is in need.

1) Listen. Don't just pretend to listen. Actually listen to what is being said to you.

2) Look. Make and maintain eye contact and pay attention to body language. Sometimes we communicate disinterest simply by crossing our arms and appearing standoffish. 

3) Don't be condescending. In my hour of need I have heard people make comments that came off very judgmentally. No one wants to be spoken down to and certainly not when they are sad. 

4) Never say "I told you so". Now is not the time to be matter of fact even if you did predict the exact outcome.

5) Give a hug if a hug is wanted. The human touch is very energizing and healing. It could help to give a simple embrace. However, there are some people who don't enjoy being touched so be aware and respect the space. 

6) Be a positive person but don't feel like you have to overdo it. I think that being genuine is important but throwing in some positive words and energy is helpful when times are tough. A lot of people tend to focus on only the negative and sometimes they need someone else to point out just one positive thing. I draw from nature and point out a flower, a butterfly, the trees, etc. Sometimes this annoys people who don't have a lot of positive self talk so I try to limit it if it doesn't feel right.

7) Be available. No you don't have to be available ALL the time but show that you care and offer to shop, eat or whatever else if it makes your friend feel better.

8) Send a care package. Sometimes rough patches last a long time. Why not send a card or flowers? I have sent boxes with movies, music, silly cards, coloring books, etc. Be silly! People appreciate this because it shows that you are willing to take an extra step to brighten someones day.

9) Be a cheerleader. You are on their side without pointing blame or speaking negatively or gossiping. 

10) Vocalize your love. Tell your friend that you love them. We can never get enough love! Spread the love and say it aloud! 

We can all support each other. Bad times come and go. It's life! 

Anahata

My heart opened yesterday. It was astounding and powerful. I tend to have an inner battle between my ego and my heart. Which one rules? It all depends!

This past weekend I was involved in a discussion regarding the various functions that the heart chakra has and those include love, compassion, balance and peace. When a person's heart chakra is blocked it makes it difficult to accept and embrace love. This doesn't have to be a conventional love between two people but more like an all encompassing love of our surroundings and ourselves. Further, the heart chakra when it opens and expands allows for us to feel a sense of balance and peace. Love NEEDS balance! Healthy love, healthy relationships all need balance. This chakra can give us this fundamental balance. It is all interconnected. Can you feel it?

Yesterday, I was sitting at my desk and a very intense feeling rose through my chest and expanded all around me. I was unsure what was happening but I was in a state of euphoria. I basked in this profound feeling and let it wash over me as I would let the sun warm me on a hot day. My ego was lifted maybe even temporarily forgotten. I didn't rationalize any of it. I just knew that it was something that had to be shared. My heart was open and had not been in a long time. I took that opportunity and with further impulse, hugged another person.

What I felt after that was the equivalent of the feeling one might receive upon entering Elysium. A natural high, an abundance of peace and every part of me wanted to stay in that hug; which had created an impenetrable sphere where no judgment or time could pass. The actual touch lasted no more than fifteen seconds. I didn't want to pull away. Maybe I had left my physical body and all the judgments that were in my head. Whatever it was, I wanted more and the feeling persisted throughout the day.

Bathed in the light, basking in the energy and peace; I smiled. Ego was silent but only temporarily.

The voices of the ego arouse again and I tried to rationalize everything that I felt. Why did that happen? How could it have happened at that time? Did it mean something? There are no answers and maybe there aren't meant to be.

I can understand the need to share energy and the importance of touch and I was reminded when I least expected it.

You Are The Maker of Your Happiness

Over the years I have read many books, articles and seen movies that tend to show that happiness is something that is external. These characters fall in love and find their "soul mates", which creates an abundance of happiness in an otherwise sad existence. It's fantastic to find someone to love or to have a family that loves you. Love is a powerful thing!

But did you know that you yourself can be happy without any external stimuli? You don't need a lover to tell you how fabulous you are or to mend your broken wing. I never liked the phrase "You make me happy" because it implies that I can't make myself happy. How about we change it to "You add to my happiness"?
That is a far healthier claim. I think that it isn't a good idea to put so much pressure on another person to bring us happiness. We have the power to be happy and rejoice in ourselves. You don't need another person praising you or telling you how wonderful you are. You are alive and have the ability to change your situation at any moment.

Love the one you're with and adore each other. Enjoy the moments you have with your family and remember the happy moments. Let go of the frustrating ones. Instead of allowing the dialogue to go something like this "you're alone, you must be unhappy" or "I'm all alone in the world"; change is to "I'm never alone and it is my choice to be happy".

The word "alone" tends to terrify a lot of people and it shouldn't. Even if you are physically alone there are millions of other humans and animals who share a connection with you. We all share this planet and globalization has allowed us to reach out and communicate with people we would never have met without such technology. Even if you decide not to use that technology, breathe in the knowledge that you are made of energy and that we are all connected by energy. You are never alone and the word should never scare you.

Find your happiness in whatever form it comes in but make sure that you are happy with yourself and by yourself before you find another person to share all that elation with!