Sometimes being positive isn’t enough. Tidal waves of
negativity surround us, engulf us until we can no longer see or hear anything
but the negativity. These forces are powerful and they drown our inner voice.
Perhaps our inner voice is a part of the negativity. The thickness of the dark
cloud can infect the mind. There was a time when the physical sickness and
mental anguish that my mother went through invaded every part of my life. I was
paralyzed with fear and every thought that I had was negative. I couldn’t fight
the thought that she was going to die. She was struggling through cancer and
the chemotherapy was changing her on a daily basis. I watched as her body
changed, as her attitude changed and how the strain of the illness ravaged our
family. There were days I was angry and days I couldn’t stop the tears. I had
every right to be angry and dismayed but I didn’t know what to do with those emotions.
They were unproductive and they ultimately damaged my life. Riddled with
anxiety and fear, not only could I not help my mother but I also forgot who I
was.
One or two negative thoughts can quickly spread to much more
than that. They can become a part of your existence if you let them. I allowed
them to follow me minute by minute, day by day. My mother survived the cancer.
Sadly, I didn’t realize how fantastic it was that she was cured as I was stuck
in the cycle of negativity. How could I probably rejoice when I was stuck in
misery? My fear was that she would get sick again and that this time she wouldn’t
survive. Instead of spending time with her and being gracious for the moments
we shared, I was fraught with worry. Luckily this story doesn’t end on a
negative note. She is still alive and kicking and has built a better life for
herself.
On the other hand, it took me a very long time to come to
grips with my own problems. I realized that the only way that I could get over
my crippling fear was to actually accept the fact that the cycle of life is
natural and inevitable. We are born and then we die. It’s not a callous concept
to recognize and accept. It is simply a fact. I had to admit that my mother
would one day die and that I would have to accept that.
This was very difficult for me. I fought the notion and
found myself confused and sad. One night, I accepted it. However, it didn’t
take just one night to accept it. It took several nights that became weeks. One
never knows how long it will take to accept things in our life that create such
anxiety. I had to learn to heal on my own.
First, accept your fear. Whatever it may be it is valid in
your mind. Even if it is not rationale, it is still a fear that you possess. So
take a moment and listen to your thoughts. Accept them and whatever feelings
they may cause. I think that sometimes the acceptance phase may last longer
than a few days. I know that I had to accept by constantly thinking about the
fear that was gripping me so tightly.
Second, wallow in your fear. Yes, it seems odd but you need
to accept and then embrace whatever it is that is crippling you. You need to know
the feeling that you get each time this thought is invoked. What does the fear
do to you? Ok, great! Now you know exactly what is going on in your mind and in
the pit of your stomach.
Third, consider whether there is something you can do about
this fear. My fear was completely out of my control. There is nothing that I
could do to prevent sickness or death. When it comes to these things I am
ultimately powerless. We all are. So in my case, there was nothing in this
world I could do to change the fate of those I love.
Fourth, let it go. Try to let it go. It won’t necessarily
happen overnight but you will reach a point of satisfaction once you are able
to see more clearly.
Fifth, replace your fear with something positive. Change the
negative way you speak to yourself about the fear. Find a hobby or a mantra
that can replace your anxious thoughts.
Sixth, repeat! Always try to find your way back to a
positive notion even when there is something so heavy weighing on you. It took
a very long time for me to be get through my unfounded fear and I always have
to remind myself that I am not in control of such situations.
Tunnel vision and waves of fear will always stop us from
reaching our full potential. On the other hand, we are allowed to worry and we
are allowed to feel. Just don’t let it get out of control. Recognize and admit
all of this so that you can move forward with happier moments in your life.
