Mind Over Matters

Sometimes being positive isn’t enough. Tidal waves of negativity surround us, engulf us until we can no longer see or hear anything but the negativity. These forces are powerful and they drown our inner voice. Perhaps our inner voice is a part of the negativity. The thickness of the dark cloud can infect the mind. There was a time when the physical sickness and mental anguish that my mother went through invaded every part of my life. I was paralyzed with fear and every thought that I had was negative. I couldn’t fight the thought that she was going to die. She was struggling through cancer and the chemotherapy was changing her on a daily basis. I watched as her body changed, as her attitude changed and how the strain of the illness ravaged our family. There were days I was angry and days I couldn’t stop the tears. I had every right to be angry and dismayed but I didn’t know what to do with those emotions. They were unproductive and they ultimately damaged my life. Riddled with anxiety and fear, not only could I not help my mother but I also forgot who I was.

One or two negative thoughts can quickly spread to much more than that. They can become a part of your existence if you let them. I allowed them to follow me minute by minute, day by day. My mother survived the cancer. Sadly, I didn’t realize how fantastic it was that she was cured as I was stuck in the cycle of negativity. How could I probably rejoice when I was stuck in misery? My fear was that she would get sick again and that this time she wouldn’t survive. Instead of spending time with her and being gracious for the moments we shared, I was fraught with worry. Luckily this story doesn’t end on a negative note. She is still alive and kicking and has built a better life for herself.

On the other hand, it took me a very long time to come to grips with my own problems. I realized that the only way that I could get over my crippling fear was to actually accept the fact that the cycle of life is natural and inevitable. We are born and then we die. It’s not a callous concept to recognize and accept. It is simply a fact. I had to admit that my mother would one day die and that I would have to accept that.

This was very difficult for me. I fought the notion and found myself confused and sad. One night, I accepted it. However, it didn’t take just one night to accept it. It took several nights that became weeks. One never knows how long it will take to accept things in our life that create such anxiety. I had to learn to heal on my own.

First, accept your fear. Whatever it may be it is valid in your mind. Even if it is not rationale, it is still a fear that you possess. So take a moment and listen to your thoughts. Accept them and whatever feelings they may cause. I think that sometimes the acceptance phase may last longer than a few days. I know that I had to accept by constantly thinking about the fear that was gripping me so tightly.

Second, wallow in your fear. Yes, it seems odd but you need to accept and then embrace whatever it is that is crippling you. You need to know the feeling that you get each time this thought is invoked. What does the fear do to you? Ok, great! Now you know exactly what is going on in your mind and in the pit of your stomach.

Third, consider whether there is something you can do about this fear. My fear was completely out of my control. There is nothing that I could do to prevent sickness or death. When it comes to these things I am ultimately powerless. We all are. So in my case, there was nothing in this world I could do to change the fate of those I love.

Fourth, let it go. Try to let it go. It won’t necessarily happen overnight but you will reach a point of satisfaction once you are able to see more clearly.

Fifth, replace your fear with something positive. Change the negative way you speak to yourself about the fear. Find a hobby or a mantra that can replace your anxious thoughts.

Sixth, repeat! Always try to find your way back to a positive notion even when there is something so heavy weighing on you. It took a very long time for me to be get through my unfounded fear and I always have to remind myself that I am not in control of such situations.

Tunnel vision and waves of fear will always stop us from reaching our full potential. On the other hand, we are allowed to worry and we are allowed to feel. Just don’t let it get out of control. Recognize and admit all of this so that you can move forward with happier moments in your life.