Happiness By Choice

On any given day we are faced with choices. We choose the car that we buy, the route we take to work, the relationships we foster, the clothes that we wear and the food that we eat. There are so many decisions to make and we tend to make them one way or another. But did you ever think that being happy is a choice? Ushering in a sense of gratitude and consciously deciding to be happy is indeed a choice!

I wake up in the morning and repeat the word "happy" over and over again until a smile appears on my face. I could be miserable if I wanted to be. It's not hard. I could tell myself that I am not making enough money, that I am not pretty enough, that my relationships are failures, etc. but I choose not to do that. That is a route that I do not want to take because it only leads to unhappiness and misery.

Fostering happiness and making it a way of life requires a commitment to yourself, your ideals and your social network. You know what you want out of life and you can decide how you deal with unexpected setbacks. It's not just about finding happiness, it's about living happiness every day. I firmly believe that the journey is what makes us who we are.

If you are surrounded by constantly negative people then it will be difficult to find your happiness. Some people always criticize and some people never think anything or anyone is good enough for them. I have seen this type of mentality spread from one person in a group to the entire group! THAT is how powerful those words and ideas are! Cultivating a positive social network is extremely important and one way to continue on your journey of happiness.

Decide you want to be happy, decide that you are happy and surround yourself with people who want similar things.

Forgive a Trespasser

As I was walking my dogs the other morning I noticed that one of the grocery bags that I keep in my car was laying on the ground. I didn't think anything of it until I saw that my car had been broken into. Everything was strewn around, thrown in the backseat. I opened the trunk and realized that several items were missing. It was upsetting simply because it's uncomfortable to know that someone was in your space without your permission. Not only that but I had a lot of things in my car that were meaningful to me. Sadly for the thieves, there wasn't too much monetary worth to the things that they took.

This intrusion rattled me for several hours. I mulled over it as I took a walk in the cold. I started wondering if there was a reason for what had happened. I even evaluated my own actions to see if I had somehow brought something negative towards me. I was very tense as I realized that many of my personal belongings were now gone. Some were found by neighbors, discarded among the leaves in their yards. It was mostly uncomfortable to see my personal objects exposed to the world.

Upon further reflection, I decided that I was fortunate that the only things that were taken were objects. No one was hurt in the process and I am thankful for that. I make no excuses for the action of the individual or individuals who took part in this trespass but I decided to let it go.

I woke up this morning and thanked the universe for channeling the necessary wisdom that I required. I felt less tense and I was in better spirits. Desperation causes people to do a lot of things that are out of their character. I'm not sure what the thieves state of mind was but at this point it doesn't matter. What's done is done. In one final act of letting it all go I decided to write a letter to the person or persons who took from me.

The Elegant Fox

I took an early morning walk today and as the sun was filtering through the almost bare trees, I saw a small animal scurry through the brush. I stopped and looked at the animal and realized that it was a fox. I called out to it and it stopped in its tracks, turned around and majestically sat down upon a rock. For several moments we stared at each other. I was intoxicated by it's beautiful red fur, long, full tail and stunning facial features. I thought how outstanding nature is to give us such a variety of animals, trees and people to look at. The fox and I shared a few moments of silence between us and I smiled at it because I was so happy to have encountered this beautiful being before I continued my morning routine.

What I took away from this brief exchange was that you never know what the universe is going to bring to you. Expect the unexpected and don't be afraid of it. For me, it was a great way to start the crisp morning. It woke me up and I gave thanks to nature for providing such a magnificent animal. If only I could have gotten closer!!!

Today's lesson: revel in even the smallest of coincidences.
I found a beautiful red leaf mixed with large yellow ones and I was in awe. Yes, you too can be in awe of little things. Just give it a shot! It will make you a much more grateful person.

Mind Over Matters

Sometimes being positive isn’t enough. Tidal waves of negativity surround us, engulf us until we can no longer see or hear anything but the negativity. These forces are powerful and they drown our inner voice. Perhaps our inner voice is a part of the negativity. The thickness of the dark cloud can infect the mind. There was a time when the physical sickness and mental anguish that my mother went through invaded every part of my life. I was paralyzed with fear and every thought that I had was negative. I couldn’t fight the thought that she was going to die. She was struggling through cancer and the chemotherapy was changing her on a daily basis. I watched as her body changed, as her attitude changed and how the strain of the illness ravaged our family. There were days I was angry and days I couldn’t stop the tears. I had every right to be angry and dismayed but I didn’t know what to do with those emotions. They were unproductive and they ultimately damaged my life. Riddled with anxiety and fear, not only could I not help my mother but I also forgot who I was.

One or two negative thoughts can quickly spread to much more than that. They can become a part of your existence if you let them. I allowed them to follow me minute by minute, day by day. My mother survived the cancer. Sadly, I didn’t realize how fantastic it was that she was cured as I was stuck in the cycle of negativity. How could I probably rejoice when I was stuck in misery? My fear was that she would get sick again and that this time she wouldn’t survive. Instead of spending time with her and being gracious for the moments we shared, I was fraught with worry. Luckily this story doesn’t end on a negative note. She is still alive and kicking and has built a better life for herself.

On the other hand, it took me a very long time to come to grips with my own problems. I realized that the only way that I could get over my crippling fear was to actually accept the fact that the cycle of life is natural and inevitable. We are born and then we die. It’s not a callous concept to recognize and accept. It is simply a fact. I had to admit that my mother would one day die and that I would have to accept that.

This was very difficult for me. I fought the notion and found myself confused and sad. One night, I accepted it. However, it didn’t take just one night to accept it. It took several nights that became weeks. One never knows how long it will take to accept things in our life that create such anxiety. I had to learn to heal on my own.

First, accept your fear. Whatever it may be it is valid in your mind. Even if it is not rationale, it is still a fear that you possess. So take a moment and listen to your thoughts. Accept them and whatever feelings they may cause. I think that sometimes the acceptance phase may last longer than a few days. I know that I had to accept by constantly thinking about the fear that was gripping me so tightly.

Second, wallow in your fear. Yes, it seems odd but you need to accept and then embrace whatever it is that is crippling you. You need to know the feeling that you get each time this thought is invoked. What does the fear do to you? Ok, great! Now you know exactly what is going on in your mind and in the pit of your stomach.

Third, consider whether there is something you can do about this fear. My fear was completely out of my control. There is nothing that I could do to prevent sickness or death. When it comes to these things I am ultimately powerless. We all are. So in my case, there was nothing in this world I could do to change the fate of those I love.

Fourth, let it go. Try to let it go. It won’t necessarily happen overnight but you will reach a point of satisfaction once you are able to see more clearly.

Fifth, replace your fear with something positive. Change the negative way you speak to yourself about the fear. Find a hobby or a mantra that can replace your anxious thoughts.

Sixth, repeat! Always try to find your way back to a positive notion even when there is something so heavy weighing on you. It took a very long time for me to be get through my unfounded fear and I always have to remind myself that I am not in control of such situations.

Tunnel vision and waves of fear will always stop us from reaching our full potential. On the other hand, we are allowed to worry and we are allowed to feel. Just don’t let it get out of control. Recognize and admit all of this so that you can move forward with happier moments in your life.

Mind Traffic

Sitting through traffic for several hours a day can be quite frustrating. The stop and go motion of the car, all the red break lights, honking, the elevated anger surrounding you. These all take a toll on the way our day begins and continues. I have found myself driving and my shoulders are tense and hands are tightly gripping the wheel. I have to consciously tell myself to relax and release the tension in my shoulders. I try to look around me at all the cars and the people operating them. Obviously I can only have a quick glance in to another person’s life because I have to focus on safety but most of the time I see the same thing. People looking worn, tired and listless. Traffic takes a toll on people. It is aggravating and puts you on edge.

I have tried to come up with ideas on how to combat traffic fatigue because I don’t like the constant tension that I find myself in and I feel that if I don’t take care of it early on then it will freely flow to the rest of my day, wreaking havoc on my happiness.

First thing to do is to give yourself ample time to get where you are going. I know that this is easier said than done. Rushing to get things done seems to be ingrained in our existence. Maybe more so in the United States and in the DC metro area. I have tricks that work for me but may not work for everyone. I will share my methods and perhaps some of them will resonate with you!

1)   When the alarm goes off in the morning I do not hit the snooze button. Boy am I tempted to sometimes! But various studies have shown that the amount of time that the snooze button gives you is not ample for any productive sleep so when I hear that alarm I instantly begin to stretch. A sun salutation and a few arm circles. I like to add in a forward bend with child’s pose to activate all of my muscles. When I’m feeling overzealous I will take to a yoga video for 30 minutes.

2)    I thank the universe for giving me another minute, hour, day to live. There are no certainties and I could have passed on in my sleep but I didn’t! I am here, now, today!

3)    I put on a happy song, dance and sing while I put on my work clothes. I have two dogs so I typically engage my dogs in these silly routines. They need to feel the love too! I’ll sing to them and dance with them and I believe that even with the passive looks on their faces, they are actually enjoying themselves.

4)   Take a brisk walk with the dogs. While I am walking I choose to notice the beauty of the morning. This morning it was very dark but there was this captivating wind coming from all around. The trees were swaying in harmony and I took a moment to close my eyes and listen. Naturally that brief moment put a smile on my face. Bring it on world!

5)  While in the car I will listen to meditation music if I am awake enough but then I will mix it up with a dose of upbeat music and talk radio. I choose to stay away from the news in the morning and I also steer away from traffic reports. It is what it is. I don’t want to wake up to tragic news and hearing how jammed the entire area is won’t help to put me in a good mood.

6)     I clear my mind and look at all the different cars and the people in them. I wonder what those people go through every day. Some people are eating a quick breakfast while others are smoking a cigarette. I’ve even seen people reading! I’m not judging them based on the safety of their actions. Instead, I like to see how similar we all are. If I catch someone’s gaze I will flash a smile or a wave. A lot of people look away immediately and some are visibly annoyed by my chipper interaction. In fact, my own sister doesn’t appreciate my happy morning side. I don’t know where I get it from but it’s there!

7)     If traffic is really bad I turn my attention to my breath. Steady, deep breathing helps balance my brain and bring me back to peace.

8)  The tenseness in my shoulders and arms is something I have to pay attention to constantly. Every ten minutes I do a body scan to see how each part of my body is feeling. That is when I notice that I am holding tension in a particular spot. If it’s my shoulders, I release the tensions, roll them a few times and imagine my healing breath going straight to the spot that needs the attention.

9)   Don’t engage in the constantly shifting lanes and getting aggressive just to pass one or two cars. It’s not worth it! If the traffic is that bad then moving a few feet just to pass someone going gravely slow will not change anything. It will only aggravate you more and bring back tension. Move steadily and safely.

10)  Get some fresh air if possible. Open the window and feel nature. It’s simply refreshing.

Traffic can turn a good day in to a bad one without us even realizing it. Let’s try to change the congestion in to something that helps clarify our thoughts and energize us for the day ahead.