I have always struggled with patience. I’ve set goals for
every day of my life and for ten years down the future. What has happened along
the way is that if those goals have not been met in a timely manner I have
become deeply frustrated and upset with myself. I also noticed that I was
always tense trying to make these self-imposed deadlines. Everything was
planned. I knew I wanted to get my masters and then my law degree and so on and
so forth. I had it all pegged down to a science. For a long time, this plan did
work. I kept adding new goals and plans and I felt elated each time something
would come to fruition.
What I didn’t plan on was illness. I had several unexpected
visits to the hospital and was told that it was stress induced. The problem
with my attitude was that I wanted to do so many things that I would burn out.
I didn’t take a moment to look at the trees and feel the warm breeze on my
skin. I was never fully nourished. I have now recognized that my goals were
fantastic but my methods were not. I could never fully quench my thirst or
desires. I needed more, more, more. Even illness and repeated doctors’ visits
did not change my mind. Instead, I woke up one day and was unhappy. I felt
hollow and unfulfilled. I had completed so many of the tasks that I had wanted
to and should have been proud of myself. Instead, I was wallowing in misery. I
was miserable because I didn’t grant myself time and patience. I couldn’t
really experience all the beauty and commitment that went in to all of my
efforts because I passed them by without a glance back. What’s the point in
getting everything you want but not stop during the journey to recognize the
beauty of it?
Patience is something I work on every day. Sometimes I am
stuck in traffic and I want to veer in and out of lanes because someone is
moving entirely too slow. Other times I want one chapter of my life to end so
that I can fast forward to the next. This used to be my state of mind ALL the
time! But with practice I have learned to cultivate patience.
Each morning I wake up, stretch, salute the universe and
fill my heart with gratitude. I walk my dogs and move slowly so that I can
breathe in the air and look at the sky. I move at a slow pace and allow myself
patience, which in turn gives my dogs a better sense of peace. They know when I
am angry and impatient, trying to force them to hurry up with their business.
I have to catch myself at times. One time I wanted the
results of a test so badly that I made myself sick with worry. I couldn’t relax
or think of anything else. I was a complete monster! When I received the results, they were not
what I wanted and my impatience turned to bitterness. Bitterness is not
fruitful. It leads to disease and other ailments.
The next time I waited for results for another exam I
decided that I would busy myself with daily activities instead of obsessing
over something completely out of my control. I became so relaxed that I did not
even realize that the results were available. I was a winner in this scenario
because I received the results that I wanted and I didn’t lose sleep over it!
My advice is that when you start feeling frazzled or
impatient just stop the obsessive thoughts by taking a deep fulfilling breath.
I have known many women who were frantic with impatience because their
significant others were not proposing marriage fast enough. One of them even
scared her mate away with her persistent badgering. Instead of doing this to
yourself and the ones you love, why not work hard at what you can control and
just let the other pieces fall in to place? It’s not always an easy task and I
have to remind myself daily to slow down.
It is not the result that is important but the journey you
take to achieve the result!!!
