A time of crisis is when we need our friends to come together and be at the ready. I don't ask much but it's nice to hear someone rally on your side even when everything seems bleak. Putting yourself in the place of another is essential in making this work. If you knew how someone was feeling or at least attempted to understand it then you would appreciate that abrasive words and a dismissive attitude are the worst possible way to help another.
Here are a few things that I feel are helpful when someone is in need.
1) Listen. Don't just pretend to listen. Actually listen to what is being said to you.
2) Look. Make and maintain eye contact and pay attention to body language. Sometimes we communicate disinterest simply by crossing our arms and appearing standoffish.
3) Don't be condescending. In my hour of need I have heard people make comments that came off very judgmentally. No one wants to be spoken down to and certainly not when they are sad.
4) Never say "I told you so". Now is not the time to be matter of fact even if you did predict the exact outcome.
5) Give a hug if a hug is wanted. The human touch is very energizing and healing. It could help to give a simple embrace. However, there are some people who don't enjoy being touched so be aware and respect the space.
6) Be a positive person but don't feel like you have to overdo it. I think that being genuine is important but throwing in some positive words and energy is helpful when times are tough. A lot of people tend to focus on only the negative and sometimes they need someone else to point out just one positive thing. I draw from nature and point out a flower, a butterfly, the trees, etc. Sometimes this annoys people who don't have a lot of positive self talk so I try to limit it if it doesn't feel right.
7) Be available. No you don't have to be available ALL the time but show that you care and offer to shop, eat or whatever else if it makes your friend feel better.
8) Send a care package. Sometimes rough patches last a long time. Why not send a card or flowers? I have sent boxes with movies, music, silly cards, coloring books, etc. Be silly! People appreciate this because it shows that you are willing to take an extra step to brighten someones day.
9) Be a cheerleader. You are on their side without pointing blame or speaking negatively or gossiping.
10) Vocalize your love. Tell your friend that you love them. We can never get enough love! Spread the love and say it aloud!
We can all support each other. Bad times come and go. It's life!
