We Knew No Fear

You found me on the most bitter cold day of the year.

Head throbbing, I blinked five times to see you.

Focus, but my stomach is in knots, I stumble.

Your electricity picked me up from the pavement,

Shaking, I took a breath and found that the air, the world, it was all you.

I held your eyes with mine and elated I wept.

You were an apparition, a ghost of a most alluring dream sent to me.

I knew you once before and under the sun we blinded all who dared look.

Envy did not exist before we came together.

Herbs and angels manifested simply for us.

I held your hand to my chest and adored you.

The wind whirled, lifting colors, floating we knew no fear.

The incarnation that was sacred, lacking in reticence.

I was there to hold your hand as the sun set simply so I would be forced to sleep.

For it's true, I couldn't keep my eyes off of you and even in the darkness I knew every line of your face.

My eyes closed, peace abound, sighing I slumbered.

The mist has fallen but I feel your breath on my nape.

You are immortal, my eyes failed to see what my soul was trying to reveal.

I still feel the familiar ache, my spirit pulls from my skin desperate to find you.

To be whole, to be free.

The Shampoo Quest

For the longest time I used Pantene Pro-V for my hair. I always liked it and it left my hair smelling great. I have extremely thick, long Middle Eastern hair. It doesn't always respond well to all types of shampoo. A lot of products will leave my hair feeling dry and brittle while other products will leave my hair feeling unclean. 

For the last month I have been using Mane 'n Tail shampoo and conditioner because I have used it in the past and I thought that the ingredients might be less complicated. Pantene Pro-V has a long ingredient list. Here it is: Water, Ammonium Lauryl Sulfate, Ammonium Laureth Sulfate, Sodium Chloride, Cocamide MEA, Glycol Distearate, Dimethicone, Fragrance, Panthenol, Panthenyl Ethyl Ether, Cetyl Alcohol, Polyquaternium-10, Sodium Citrate, Sodium Benzoate, Ammonium Xylenesulfonate, Disodium EDTA, PEG-7M, Citric Acid, Methylchloroisothiazolinone, Methylisothiazolinone

I didn't like all these odd chemical sounding words and figured it was worth trying something different. The ingredients in Mane 'n Tail include Water/Aqua/Eau, Sodium Lauryl Sulfate, Cocamidopropyl Betaine, Sodium Chloride, Cocamide MEA, Glycol Distearate, Propylene Glycol, Fragrance (Parfum), Hydrolyzed Collagen, Citric Acid, Methylchlorisothiazolinone/Methylisothiazolinone, Butylphenyl Methylpropional.

I've heard a lot about Parabens. They are often used in a lot of products as a preservative. 
Common parabens include methylparaben, ethylparaben, propylparaben and butylparaben. Another ingredient that has come to people's attention recently is Sodium Lauryl Sulfate. This is used in soaps, shampoos and detergents to give a foaming effect. I never realized that it was an issue but apparently this chemical can cause massive skin irritation. So why not go without it? A little less foam! 

Yesterday I started using a new shampoo called Nature's Gate. I happened to find it at the supermarket and I liked the scent. When I saw that it was an herbal shampoo with zero sulfates, I knew I had to give it a shot. Again, sulfates irritate the skin and can strip hair and skin of moisture. Why not try shampoo that doesn't have any? 

After washing my hair I noticed how lovely it smelled and it stayed that way throughout the day. I also noticed that there was much less foaming and I had to use more product than usual but my hair and scalp feel clean with zero irritation. 

My goal is to live a life with less chemicals and I will keep posting information about shampoos, soaps and other items as I run across them. 

Ingredients: Water, Cocamidopropyl Hydroxysultaine (Coconut Derived), Sodium Cocoyl Isethionate (Coconut Derived), Disodium Cocoamphodiacetate (Coconut Derived), Lauryl Glucoside (Vegetable Derived), Glycerin (Vegetable Derived), Panthenol, Hydrolyzed Soy Protein, Hydrolyzed Vegetable Protein, Simmondsia Chinensis (Jojoba) Seed Oil, Borago Officinalis (Borage) Seed Oil, Tocopherol (Vitamin E), Ascorbic Acid (Vitamin C), Achillea Millefolium (Yarrow) Extract, Chamomilla Recutita (Matricaria) Flower Extract, Lavandula Angustifolia (Lavender) Flower Extract, Rosmarinus Officinalis (Rosemary) Leaf Extract, Salvia Officinalis (Sage) Leaf Extract, Urtica Dioica (Nettle) Extract, Prunus Serotina (Wild Cherry) Bark Extract, Thymus Vulgaris (Thyme) Leaf Extract, Ascorbyl Palmitate (Vitamin C), Guar Hydroxypropyltrimonium Chloride (Plant Derived), Leuconostoc/Radish Root Ferment Filtrate, Polysorbate 20 (Vegetable Derived), Hydroxypropyl Methylcellulose (Plant Derived), Sodium Hydroxide, Glyceryl Undecylenate (Vegetable Derived), Phenoxyethanol, Citric Acid (Vegetable Derived), Fragrance*.

Drumming For The Root Chakra

For the past two months I have been drumming nearly every night. How did this come to pass?

I had never drummed before. I started playing the violin at the age of ten and dabbled with the guitar once in a while. I am by nature a perfectionist and so I had to learn the violin to perfection. When I could not be as great as the famous violinists before me, I got frustrated. Soon I let it all go and concentrated on school. From one degree to another I focused, excelled and graduated. I was always the best at everything and it was always a personal challenge to stay on top of my game. The competition in me was not against other people. No, instead I was always competing with myself. I never knew that it would be impossible to be satiated from the constant need to be better, do better, be more.

On my journey to end this competition with myself I met a very dear friend who showed me laughter, kindness and a free spirit. I learned in this time that I was not a grounded person. This refers to the seven chakras that are found in our bodies. These chakras can get blocked and we can suffer various ailments as a result. I had always been very much in my crown chakra, which is the very highest chakra and is said to be our connection to spirituality and the divine. It is located at the top of the head. I have always been very much in my own mind and it causes a feeling of not being connected to the earth below. Constantly thinking, writing and daydreaming. I didn't realize that I was not serving my root chakra and that perhaps there was a blockage there. The root chakra is located at the base of the spine and is connected to our need to survive. It is very primal and if blocked can lead to anxiety and depression. I was never very grounded.

One day, a Goddess sister of mine showed me her new Djembe drum. She asked me to play with her and at first I was stunned. I had never played the drum before and had not a clue how to begin. She could sense my discomfort and yet she insisted that I at least try. I held the drum as though it were as delicate as glass. I watched her pound on the drum and put my hand to the goatskin top. It felt completely wrong. I tried to rationalize the situation. Did I look silly holding the instrument? What would people think if they heard me play? What am I doing here?

The thoughts went swirling through my mind but I tried to pick up on the rhythm that my sister was playing. I had a difficult time letting go. In fact I don't think I fully let go that day but I did drum nonetheless. After some time passed I left with a smile on my face and a new purpose in my heart. I knew that something within me was calling out for the drum. I kept thinking about the feeling I had when I played the drum and within a week I had my very own drum.

My hands could not leave the drum and every night I have been devoting time to play. I have never had any formal lessons and I don't care. I love that I don't know how to do something. I love that every single time I play, it feels new and yet feels as though I am reconnecting with a dear friend. A deep feeling of coming home takes place and I allow the spirit to guide me, which in turn makes me feel grounded. I connect to the earth when I play the drum. Perhaps it's the deep bass or the act of doing something without reason at all. The act of "playing". Either way, I am elated to be on this journey.